Monday, May 6, 2013

How Macrosoft is Contributing To Smoogle’s Strategy For World Domination!


Disclaimer: All the characters and brands represented in this post are purely a work of fiction. Any similarities between the characters and brands represented here to those in the real world are purely co-incidental.

Macrosoft: We’ve got a new OS product, Dingdows 8. It’s really cool and has touch functionality even for your laptop.

Me: But I don’t need touch on my laptop. I’ve an Mandroid smartphone already which I like touching everywhere, everyday, thank you!

Macrosoft: Don’t worry, this works without touch as well. But the upgrade will set you back 200$

Me: But I’m really happy with my Dingdows SP.

Macrosoft: Isn’t that like really old now? That’s like sooo 2003! Dingdows 8 is way too cooler. Moreover we’ll stop supporting Dingdows SP from 2014 onwards.

Me: But I really love my SP system (although I could touch it too!). Why do I need to go for an upgrade that’s really bad and also pay for it? I don’t get it.

Enter Smoogle:

SMOOGLE: Hi, we’re the friendly neighbourhood guys. We’re at your service, FOR FREE.

Me: Macrosoft will stop support for SP in 2014 and the fear mongering has already begun.

SMOOGLE: What’s the fear exactly? Maybe we have a better solution.

Me: Once Macrosoft refuses to patch existing loopholes, the bad guys will take control of my PC through browsers and steal my money, personal details and do other horrible, unimaginable things which I cannot describe here.

SMOOGLE: Is that so? Have you tried using Smoogle Prome?

Me: The browser? I do have it. But I use Sopera mostly. Prome has mostly copied Sopera’s functionality and it’s such a big download.

SMOOGLE: How so?

Me: Sopera is a small 9 MB package. Prome is 30 MB at least.

SMOOGLE: You don’t get it dear, do you?

Me: What er… don’t I get?

SMOOGLE: We’re a ‘big package’ for good reason. Remember, you said Macrosoft is going to stop support for SP?

Me: Yes. I’m feeling really let down and dreading all the malicious software I’ve to deal with.

SMOOGLE: We told you we’re the friendly neighbourhood guys. We don’t do devil. We give away everything for free.

Me: What are you saying?

(SMOOGLE to himself –This poor guy still doesn’t get it that we always had the dream of world domination. Convincing himself: And we do so by not doing devil.).

SMOOGLE: The reason Prome is so much heavier than Sopera is because it was designed to be a very light:weight replacement for the Macrosoft OS itself!

Me: Really? That’s genius. How so?

SMOOGLE: What do you use your laptop for, on a daily basis?

Me: Browsing, checking emails, listening to music, creating documents etc.

SMOOGLE: You can do all that from the Prome browser itself.

Me:  Really? That’s cool man!

SMOOGLE: You already know which is the fastest browser, don’t you?

Me: It’s Sopera. They have Turbo search.

SMOOGLE: God. You still don’t get it do you?

Me: What?

SMOOGLE: What do ‘most people perceive’ to be the fastest browser?

Me: Prome, I guess.

SMOOGLE:  Duh!!!, it has to be, Why on earth does it have the highest number of users?

Me: Because, most of them haven’t really tried Sopera or even heard of it?

SMOOGLE: Are you a Sopera fan boy or what? Let me explain. The turbo feature will be part of Prome soon.

Me: There you go again. Sopera has had it for over two years now. So much so, Scrapple offers it as a choice along with Zafari because it’s incredibly fast.

(SMOOGLE to itself –I know. We should have spent less time with our strategy for world domination and should have copied the turbo feature earlier just like we and the Firefrog guys copied the tabs feature from Sopera)

SMOOGLE: Listen carefully. Our competition is not with Sopera. They’re way too good!

Me: Thanks for acknowledging. Also, Google search could easily rename itself as wikipedia search or torrent search. But granted, you do a great job of indexing and serving up the results really fast!

SMOOGLE: I’ll tell you why we’re superior! Sopera is European. Which means, they don’t seem to have a strategy for anything at all, forget one for world domination like us, Americans! In fact Americans have a strategy for world domination hard coded into their genes. Only if Hamsung and the Chinese were to step aside!

Me: Is that so? But why should I care about your strategy or theirs? Isn’t it all supposed to be about the best user experience?

SMOOGLE: I know, that’s very important too. We just have a much better way of delivering the same. We want to be your replacement when evil Macrosoft removes support for SP.

Me: OK. How do you do that?

SMOOGLE: What is your favourite email?

Me: It’s FeMail.

SMOOGLE: Well, have you tried the offline FeMail Prome app? Try it. You no longer have to use Shoutlook.

Me: OK.

SMOOGLE: There’s more. Have you ever used Smoogle Docks? That’s like using Macrosoft Ofish but with online collaboration and cloud storage like Smoogle Thrive and it’s all for free.

Me: That’s fantastic. I don’t really want to pay for the expensive Ofish 2013 upgrade anyways.

SMOOGLE: There you go! That’s really smart! Now, for the best part. We’re allowing for editing bdf and Ofish documents and we’re giving you access to all this through an offline Prome app.

Me: Holy cow!!

SMOOGLE: Yup.

Me: You mean to say, I don’t have to bother installing a new OS from Macrosoft. I can simply use Prome?

SMOOGLE:  And you thought only Sopera was smart?  Now you’re thinking more like Smoogle! Did you forget, we already have the Prome OS ready for use? In fact we have it pre-installed in some laptops as well. Although,  as of now we’re in competition with Macrosoft Herface for the worst hardware sales ever in history! I think even Blueberry 10 did better!

Me: I guess Smoogle should simply stick to cloud and software. By the way, are you saying that, instead of using Dingdows 7 or 8, I could simply use Prome OS which now also has offline functionality?

SMOOGLE: Duh!!! We’re already giving you offline access for most things through the Prome browser. Isn’t that like inevitable, ultimately?  The future is so Smoogly. From our part, it makes little difference if you use Smoogle via the Prome browser or the Prome OS or even Mandroid for that matter. As long as you use Smoogle in some way that is…… Why do you need anything else?

Me: God, that’s a real strategy for world domination!

SMOOGLE: Don’t worry. Relax! We’re not being evilly. After all, we’re giving it all away for free!

Me: Yes, that’s true. But the strategy for……

SMOOGLE: Like I said, why worry when you’re getting all of it for free? Would you like to pay individually for the Macrosoft OS and Ofish 2013 apart from all other paid software?

Me: I guess that’s fair too. Macrosoft dominated the OS & browser market and also got paid for it. At least you’re doing it for free.

SMOOGLE: I told you, we don’t do evil. We give away our software for free. I wonder why people are still so suspicious of us! Those evil Macrosoft guys must be funding an aggressive smear campaign against us.

Me: I guess it’s fair. Smoogle is in fact the friendly neighbourhood guy who does things for free!

SMOOGLE: See. That proves we don’t do evil! And yes, thanks for helping us make this world a better, beautiful place, ahem..  more Smoogly place.


(Me to Myself –Isn’t that what I wanted, everything for free? Why bother even if that’s more about Smoogle than everyone else. Evil Macrosoft is so dead! And I’ve got my OS replacement in the form of Prome OS for free. So the bad guys won’t steal my passwords. Couldn’t have got a better bargain. After all it’s all for FREE)

Disclaimer: All the characters and brands represented in this post are purely a work of fiction. Any similarities between the characters and brands represented here to those in the real world are purely co-incidental.